falter | i need some new icons

okay so one of the exciting things about taking a break from lj/dw-style social media and being too angry about the world on my public twitter to mention anything personal and...not being able to remember how to spell my username on my locked twitter and accidentally being logged out so long that i don't feel like i'm an active part of the conversation anymore and tumblr being tumblr is that like. a lot of things have happened in the meantime?

anyway, i've got an appointment for a consult for a hysterectomy this tuesday! exciting. i have only had nothing but trouble and pain from my uterus for the past 40+ years, it's high time.

ok other body stuff that's happened it the past eight years or whatever:

i inhaled a bunch of black mold and also a pulverized dessicated squirrel, right before going on an epic frank-iero-show roadtrip, which was embarrassing because i couldn't stop coughing and i had to explain to him that i wasn't contagious there was just squirrel in my lungs (these hijinks included an adventure in worker's comp and also getting medically barred from my workplace which. it's tough to be successful when you can't go to your workplace? not in every case, but definitely in that one.);

then a few months later i lost the ability to have a complete thought/say a whole sentence, which LET ME TELL YOU is kind of terrifying? also simultaneously i got really mean. I YELLED AT MY MOM Y'ALL. i am a midwesterner, if that helps you to understand how alarming that actually was. (iirc the yelling was about a difference of opinion over a movie.) also i started feeling like i was having growing pains, constant stretchy ache in my bones and sore muscles. anyway, fibromyalgia, fun times!;

okay then there's all the stuff that's probably perimenopause, like, suddenly i got this weird solid slab of fat from the bottom of my breastbone to the top of my hips and my fat has always been soft and squishy. i mean i get it and all, this happens, but it took YEARS before it felt like it was part of my body, it seemed like it wasn't really attached, like an oddly-shaped bulletproof vest or something that had been stitched onto me. Now it has sort of settled in and i'm just a different shape overall, but that shit was a mindfuck for a while. also of course getting sick enough that i can't work fulltime (and am still struggling to unlearn career ambition and my hard-won habit of just working until i drop) AND having my body totally change shape, and getting a trillion medications means zero of my clothes fit. and i want to claw my entire skin off 90% of the time, much less my clothes.

and uterine fibroids, hooray. why bleed 1-4 days when you can bleed 100+? and you know the normal cramps that make you throw up. the emergency room was fine except then we realized we'd attended a wedding with the dr who was examining me and small talk about mutual acquaintances is great when you're getting ready for a pelvic ultrasound. good times. anyway that's how come the hysterectomy, though the dr (not the emergency room dude, some other guy) really really really wanted me to get an IUD instead. so i've been having that argument the past six months or so.

oh yes and then i finally got an ADD diagnosis. my dad and brother have pretty severe ADD so i pretty much knew that was an issue, but the fun thing was that the whole process was like "hey you know this thing where you're a total asshole? probably an ADD symptom. that other thing that people hate about you? yeah, probably that too." idk if adderall is helping but it's not hurting.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dear God, ;_______;

trololol bodies: the worst.

<3

Okay, the squirrel thing sounds horrifying, but I am also smiling a lot at the thought of you saying that to Frank.

(Hello! It's good to see you here.)