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Fandom Snowflake Challenge Day One
yeah, i'm making the last-minute decision to finally participate (after watching for years). there are a LOT of things going on right now, and i have so many things to post about that i have post paralysis. hopefully this will help.
Day 1: In your own space, talk about your Happy Place—the things that give you joy, calms you or keeps you sane.
i think my happy place is concerts. live music, preferably somewhere dark, crowded, and loud, but i do okay with daytime, sparsely attended, and outdoors as well. and this even includes being seated while politely watching an orchestra or whatever! so: preferences within the category, but they are all my happy place.
there's something about the feeling of being swallowed up in the experience, like you become part of a larger organism, all moving and breathing together. and imo it's even better when the crowd jam-packs itself together so that you feel as though you are literally breathing in only by grace of your neighbors breathing out, and when the roiling of the crowd lifts you off your feet and you can hang suspended, heavy living pressure surrounding you. i haven't been to a show like that, where i actually did lift my feet to hover within the crowd, in years. (fall out boy's first "regular" post-hiatus show, in milwaukee at the eagle ballroom. also, part of the reason the crowd was like that at that particular show was poor venue management. i also recall a lot of kids passing out, and a not insignificant amount of non-alcohol related vomit incidents.)
it's not just that tactile piece, though -- there's also a thing that i love about seeing people produce or present their art. it makes me feel optimistic and like i love humans. i get a little of the same feeling at DIY fairs. like: look at what people can be capable of, witness what they can create from their brains.
concerts have also served as fantastic excuses for me to see distant friends. :D though i also love going to shows -- and weirdly, especially going to music festivals -- alone. there's something about knowing that i can't make a wrong choice or create conflict or interfere with what time other people want to leave, and also, if no one else is there then there is no way i am responsible for anyone else having a good time. BLISS. going to shows with pals vs going to shows solo = TWO EQUALLY GREAT THINGS. (n.b. going solo takes more energy and better health than going with people, it's very easy to have an unexpected emotional drop when you're alone, and then there's crying in alleys and/or your car for no good reason.)
and it's also about chasing the moments when i don't feel self-conscious and awkward, deciding that either it doesn't matter because no one is watching, or because no one can see me, or -- and this is when it's best -- that it's more important to visibly and unironically enjoy the show as an appreciation to the performers. I saw United Nations play the second opener slot on my own in a half-empty club and thrashed around an otherwise empty floor and had an amazing time just being okay with it. not that i don't still fall into the trap of looking reserved and unobtrusive a lot of the time, but it's better when i don't.
i think the final reason that i love shows so much is because i have a pretty disruptive audio processing disorder, which i spend a lot of time and energy hiding, but it's the worst (and most stressful) in social situations -- pretty much any time i'm hanging out in a space with more than two people, it's pretty likely that i am missing a lot of what you are saying to me, especially if it's not something i can anticipate. i puzzle out a bunch of it later, but you can be pretty confident that if we're in a situation like that and you're asking me anything, if i say yes, i'm probably just hoping for the best, and that whatever you follow up with will give me context clues. and i'm kind of trusting that you didn't just ask me if i wanted to do something really unpleasant. at concerts, smiling at folks who talk to me and making vaguely puzzled face is almost always a-ok. and then i get to just pay attention to the music instead. and people gesture in ways that often explain what they mean! it's great.
other things that fit the bill:
i am doing a wheelthrowing pottery class, and that is something i didn't expect to love but i seriously keep jonesing to get back to the wheel. i kind of don't care what i make, i just like the physical act of doing it. also clay is fun to squish.
and, most shockingly: turns out i enjoy math? some math? i took statistics because it's a pre-req for accounting classes and i really loved it. and i start my accounting class next week. i enjoy bookkeeping in the same way i enjoy jigsaw puzzles: sometimes it's super-rewarding and things go click-click-click, and sometimes you spend a day annoyed and pretty sure there are pieces under the refrigerator. (unlike in jigsaw puzzles, in bookkeeping you can (sort of) just say fuck it and write a journal entry to make it look right and label it "this is to fix some fucking thing, i'll dig into it again later"). anyway. happily one of my two jobs right now is doing (mostly very straightforward) bookkeeping for ~9 small nonprofits in the area. the people parts of that job are often still stressful or frustrating, but the work itself is relaxing and sort of invigorating.
Day 1: In your own space, talk about your Happy Place—the things that give you joy, calms you or keeps you sane.
i think my happy place is concerts. live music, preferably somewhere dark, crowded, and loud, but i do okay with daytime, sparsely attended, and outdoors as well. and this even includes being seated while politely watching an orchestra or whatever! so: preferences within the category, but they are all my happy place.
there's something about the feeling of being swallowed up in the experience, like you become part of a larger organism, all moving and breathing together. and imo it's even better when the crowd jam-packs itself together so that you feel as though you are literally breathing in only by grace of your neighbors breathing out, and when the roiling of the crowd lifts you off your feet and you can hang suspended, heavy living pressure surrounding you. i haven't been to a show like that, where i actually did lift my feet to hover within the crowd, in years. (fall out boy's first "regular" post-hiatus show, in milwaukee at the eagle ballroom. also, part of the reason the crowd was like that at that particular show was poor venue management. i also recall a lot of kids passing out, and a not insignificant amount of non-alcohol related vomit incidents.)
it's not just that tactile piece, though -- there's also a thing that i love about seeing people produce or present their art. it makes me feel optimistic and like i love humans. i get a little of the same feeling at DIY fairs. like: look at what people can be capable of, witness what they can create from their brains.
concerts have also served as fantastic excuses for me to see distant friends. :D though i also love going to shows -- and weirdly, especially going to music festivals -- alone. there's something about knowing that i can't make a wrong choice or create conflict or interfere with what time other people want to leave, and also, if no one else is there then there is no way i am responsible for anyone else having a good time. BLISS. going to shows with pals vs going to shows solo = TWO EQUALLY GREAT THINGS. (n.b. going solo takes more energy and better health than going with people, it's very easy to have an unexpected emotional drop when you're alone, and then there's crying in alleys and/or your car for no good reason.)
and it's also about chasing the moments when i don't feel self-conscious and awkward, deciding that either it doesn't matter because no one is watching, or because no one can see me, or -- and this is when it's best -- that it's more important to visibly and unironically enjoy the show as an appreciation to the performers. I saw United Nations play the second opener slot on my own in a half-empty club and thrashed around an otherwise empty floor and had an amazing time just being okay with it. not that i don't still fall into the trap of looking reserved and unobtrusive a lot of the time, but it's better when i don't.
i think the final reason that i love shows so much is because i have a pretty disruptive audio processing disorder, which i spend a lot of time and energy hiding, but it's the worst (and most stressful) in social situations -- pretty much any time i'm hanging out in a space with more than two people, it's pretty likely that i am missing a lot of what you are saying to me, especially if it's not something i can anticipate. i puzzle out a bunch of it later, but you can be pretty confident that if we're in a situation like that and you're asking me anything, if i say yes, i'm probably just hoping for the best, and that whatever you follow up with will give me context clues. and i'm kind of trusting that you didn't just ask me if i wanted to do something really unpleasant. at concerts, smiling at folks who talk to me and making vaguely puzzled face is almost always a-ok. and then i get to just pay attention to the music instead. and people gesture in ways that often explain what they mean! it's great.
other things that fit the bill:
i am doing a wheelthrowing pottery class, and that is something i didn't expect to love but i seriously keep jonesing to get back to the wheel. i kind of don't care what i make, i just like the physical act of doing it. also clay is fun to squish.
and, most shockingly: turns out i enjoy math? some math? i took statistics because it's a pre-req for accounting classes and i really loved it. and i start my accounting class next week. i enjoy bookkeeping in the same way i enjoy jigsaw puzzles: sometimes it's super-rewarding and things go click-click-click, and sometimes you spend a day annoyed and pretty sure there are pieces under the refrigerator. (unlike in jigsaw puzzles, in bookkeeping you can (sort of) just say fuck it and write a journal entry to make it look right and label it "this is to fix some fucking thing, i'll dig into it again later"). anyway. happily one of my two jobs right now is doing (mostly very straightforward) bookkeeping for ~9 small nonprofits in the area. the people parts of that job are often still stressful or frustrating, but the work itself is relaxing and sort of invigorating.
Day 1: happy places
Re: Day 1: happy places
Re: Day 1: happy places
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i think the final reason that i love shows so much is because i have a pretty disruptive audio processing disorder, which i spend a lot of time and energy hiding, but it's the worst (and most stressful) in social situations -- pretty much any time i'm hanging out in a space with more than two people, it's pretty likely that i am missing a lot of what you are saying to me, especially if it's not something i can anticipate.
I did not know this about you. I also have an audio processing issue, and for me it's difficult in social situation where there are a lot of other stimuli.
Also, ilu.